THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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