if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i dont even know how to be here
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
