I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
