Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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