so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize