Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
