i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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