hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
