apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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