ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
