it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
