I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
soo... how was my night?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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