U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...