Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.

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  (636): Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gyoc
  Replies (10) Good night (4530) Bad night (545)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking

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  (301): I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking http://tfl.nu/pou2
  Replies (4) Good night (3885) Bad night (869)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it

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  (678): He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it http://tfl.nu/jk9d
  Replies (18) Good night (9765) Bad night (1122)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween

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  (405): Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween http://tfl.nu/jypy
  Replies (20) Good night (1479) Bad night (3186)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"

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  (802): What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow" http://tfl.nu/01bq
  Replies (32) Good night (4158) Bad night (1801)
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  (516): View more from New York

  My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm

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  (516): My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm http://tfl.nu/6xao
  Replies (9) Good night (2870) Bad night (863)
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  (714): View more from California

  For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.

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  (714): For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out. http://tfl.nu/58i4
  Replies (3) Good night (2652) Bad night (946)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?

  (289): View more from Ontario

  You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.

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  (519): Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia? (289): You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname. http://tfl.nu/fwap
  Replies (7) Good night (1467) Bad night (2769)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.

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  (440): Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me. http://tfl.nu/gd3r
  Replies (0) Good night (888) Bad night (397)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Are you alive?

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I woke up under the pier.

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  (703): Are you alive? (1-703): I woke up under the pier. http://tfl.nu/dfp7
  Replies (4) Good night (877) Bad night (362)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in

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  (312): I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in http://tfl.nu/almk
  Replies (7) Good night (546) Bad night (342)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.

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  (330): I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend. http://tfl.nu/a48i
  Replies (1) Good night (687) Bad night (314)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.

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  (860): Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July. http://tfl.nu/b542
  Replies (2) Good night (869) Bad night (303)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground

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  (314): Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground http://tfl.nu/k9yg
  Replies (1) Good night (425) Bad night (307)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  someone needs to name a hurricane after you

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  (919): someone needs to name a hurricane after you http://tfl.nu/pqzo
  Replies (0) Good night (602) Bad night (229)

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