On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.