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You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
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