Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.

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  (248): the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake. http://tfl.nu/1bz8
  Replies (7) Good night (2479) Bad night (510)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....

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  (513): CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now.... http://tfl.nu/m585
  Replies (36) Good night (885) Bad night (2827)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high

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  (774): dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high http://tfl.nu/yu6x
  Replies (49) Good night (7526) Bad night (875)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

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  (513): i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure. http://tfl.nu/ruyi
  Replies (10) Good night (6002) Bad night (1664)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.

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  (336): This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level. http://tfl.nu/cqt6
  Replies (12) Good night (4177) Bad night (1240)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.

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  (814): The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since. http://tfl.nu/i7hq
  Replies (5) Good night (1374) Bad night (1545)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"

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  (262): He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage" http://tfl.nu/fr69
  Replies (17) Good night (8974) Bad night (1218)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.

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  (+61): I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog. http://tfl.nu/k4kj
  Replies (5) Good night (1614) Bad night (993)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

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  (419): HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/87a2
  Replies (4) Good night (2235) Bad night (702)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.

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  (908): P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed. http://tfl.nu/fp9c
  Replies (6) Good night (1380) Bad night (450)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.

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  (830): I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate. http://tfl.nu/ytk5
  Replies (1) Good night (776) Bad night (625)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.

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  (513): I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old. http://tfl.nu/lqlu
  Replies (6) Good night (427) Bad night (803)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night

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  (614): finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night http://tfl.nu/xe5e
  Replies (10) Good night (386) Bad night (752)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.

  (253): View more from Washington

  You're lovely.

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  (425): Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight. (253): You're lovely. http://tfl.nu/vx83
  Replies (2) Good night (592) Bad night (304)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me

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  (405): there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me http://tfl.nu/c4z7
  Replies (4) Good night (655) Bad night (369)

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