I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
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we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay so I just had a really great idea