I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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