I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
