thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
