You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
