I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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