I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
