i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
