I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
