I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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