I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
