I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
