I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
