Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
