I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
