jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
