can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
