He is an equal opportunity slut.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
