my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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