This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
