fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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