I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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