Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The power of my boobs compel you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
