I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
