proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
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You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
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Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.