I puked a lego.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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