So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
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when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.