i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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