remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.