Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.