i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION