I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.