Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong