Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
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but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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