I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
