apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
