im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
