went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
