I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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