Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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