Tell her she can't have a vagina
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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