She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
