So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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