i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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