i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize