Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
