The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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