Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
