WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
