i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
