also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
