is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you made out with another girl for some wings
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
