season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
