Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
