I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
