My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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