i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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