whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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