Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.