this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
