belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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