why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
