I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
