Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
